Chapter 4
In which the pie eating assembly are entertained by a wholesome company in Norfolk and table rich with vittles including an intriguing comestible encased in pastry.
On arrival at our lodgings immediately Sam the boot boy at the hotel and knocked on the door of our dining room procured for our privacy and the protection of the ears of residents from the senior Mr North's bellowing account of the National Anthem at midnight.
Sam knocked cautiously and entered timorously
"Pardon me sirs, I've been biden to ask you if the company would like to sample one of our famous holt pies. Mr Palmer's establishment have sent one over which is most becoming and if you are not inclined to sample it I must take it back immediately."
Mr North junior spoke for the company after looks of approval from our colleagues
"This is the most hospitable shire in all of the Queens domain." there were cheers, and further still after he spoke further,
"My colleagues and I would be entertained far more by any pie than the singing of our eldest member or for that matter my converse."
The group chattered and the the younger North bellowed "Good Sam I bid you bring the pie up - if you can carry it - and if not bring it up in halves but I'll wager the first will be consumed by the time you bring its second half."
There were nods from the company already entranced by toast and quail's eggs, duck pate and boiled tongue, eager to start but spitting feathers for a drink before tucking in.
As Sam disappeared mumbling under his breath, The Junior North also shouted after him "and ensure there are pickles to match the pies radius at a ratio of five onions per inch of crust!".
I fear this entreaty was lost as the boy trudged down the worn staircase to the ale house below, as concomitantly there was a round of cheers and the first bottle of finest French claret was opened to be enjoyed with the entrees.
The pie boys of Holt had procured an entire pie and announced its value at near Nine Pounds per pound to the throng who agtehred round them as they triumphantly carried it down the street, past the costamongers and traders in Holt. It was a town of great civic pride and the town's coat of arms had included a pie until the late 1980's when its was considered insufficinetly representative of the rural economy and was replaced with a carriage popular locally known as a "Range-rover". The boys were proud to carry a pie or have some part in its transport - for the commerce of the town had always been much more responsive to teh rich visitor than the lowly inhabitants.
Sam brought up two pies of 10 inches diameter and they were placed either ends of our groaning table. Mr North senior cut a slice which looked like this:
A deafening cheer rang out as our host was brought up and toasted by each of our company on the quality of his house, its livery stables, the local produce ranged before us and his close friendship with the house of Palmer that had made the pie eralier in the week. It contained the meat of two fat hens from their own hen-house, asparagus from the fields north of Thetford and ham from a local pig which breathed the sweet scented Norfolk air until its last breath.
After the pie had gone and further claret had been served we discussed its merits whilst awaiting a side of beef and its trimmings:-
Mr North senior said is was a fine pie and enjoyed its succulence. Others commented that it was rather dangerous to consume so much pastry at such a late hour. Presently, the younger North spoke, thus.
"This pie is moist but borders on wet, the asparagus is over cooked and the chicken tough and in pieces too large to consume with delicacy that dining in company demands. The pastry is thin on the base and thinner still near the centre, but thick and noisome at the edges. As a pie for table it just passes muster for the freshness of its ingredients and the tastiness of them and the minimal seasoning, but for use in hand in labour or in transportation it is a dangerous mix of unaggregated meats and vegetable matter. This pie could with the jolt of a wheel, or the nudge of an elbow be nothing but a hollow pastry crust"
The company were aghast, but he continued
"Our journey across Albion's soil must be unstinting in its praise for that which is good, but constructive in its criticism of that which it finds wanting. My friends I have no complaint with the toothsome offering here in Holt, but its construction must be made more secure. Tomorrow I will hither to Palmers and instruct them, with your support of our findings here. I trust I will have you behind me as I suggest that the pie lacks basic binding material and what it needs is.......an egg!"
There was a sullen silence about the room.....
I need not detain you with the whys and wherefores of the next day. The bibulous evening did nothing to sharpen the younger North's spirits or wits and the discussion he had taken to be his company's acquiescence was in fact a discussion on the quality of roast beef. He was unable to persuade Palmer's of Holt to add egg to their crumbly pie and had at that meeting no-one to support his proposition. The resultant shouting disorientated young North and he did not see Sam and his colleagues gesturing for him to leave the shop. the proprietors onslaught was filled with bitter invective. North did however get a the full gist as the local constable waved a bill for over 30 pounds for two pies beneath his nose and marched him to their lodgings where his travelling companions emptied their pockets for funds to meet the officer's demands. They left Holt somewhat regretful but wary of future pies which promise much and deliver less than expected.
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